Page Started: 3/4/99 1:12am
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If I didn’t have this essay to do, I would not have written bored12 today.(I had done the essay first offline)
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ON THOSE I ADMIRE – Be proud of yourselves, it takes a lot to be admired by me.
Having asked who my role models are, I was quite taken aback. I have not really been faced with that question before. Although I had been asked that before, I never have really sat back and pondered over the realities of my situation regarding the people who affect me the most. At first, I thought, I do not admire anyone really. There is no one person who is totally perfect in my eyes and I would want to be exactly who he or she is. I find that I have had too many influences to single out even a few people. Although this might sound like I am quite conceited and egotistical, I had believed I was my own role model. I did admire myself and was proud of the fact that I had been successful at constantly improving myself throughout life. I had overcome many obstacles and fixed up flaws I have seen in myself. I face my fear many times just to make things the way I wanted them to be. I know I am not perfect although I admire many qualities that I already have. I am still continuing my self-improvement and I do know I have much to work on still. I am, however, satisfied with my life as it is except for a few vices in my personality.

As I thought this question through, I see the deeper meaning of the words admired, hero, and role model. They may not be perfect for everyone has their own imperfections. A person does not have to be perfect to be a role model. I thought of my sister and my mom as well. These people would probably be pretty typical role models and for a while there I did think they were indeed my role models. In a way they are, but in a way they are not. I find my sister admirable because of her qualities of being able to keep on the same mind track as authority figures, staying respectful to them yet getting them to see her side of the situation as well. I also admire her skillfullness in her abilities to manage her social, financial and educational life and organization. I respect her assiduity to keeping with her goals and being ambitious enough to go through college in three and a half years and yet manage to work at the same time, earning much more than even some of my relatives. Although she has many good qualities, I find that her rather disagreeable qualities stand out too much for me to admire her. Although this might seem harsh, I do not think it is wise to keep looking up to a person who would bring you down in other ways as well. Another thing that takes some trust away from my admiration of her abilities is that she puts herself below others in order to get her way with them. This might work for her, but in my perception, it is unjustified. She may still be a semi-hero to me.

There is also my mom who would be a very good role model. She is a great mother to her family, always caring and loving, almost perfect stereotypical mother. The one most important thing that stands out to me about her is that she taught me how to be open minded. Almost from this alone, I had developed my system of beliefs. I learned to strive for well roundedness and understanding for everyone’s situations. I always try to see two sides of the situation. Sometimes I end up in debate with someone, taking a side opposing her own just to let her know there could be another side to this circumstance and she should not fail to see it as well. I may not agree as much with my side but I find it is always better to see both sides of the picture. Learning to keep open minded was a great lesson for me for it is only then when I started practicing this was I able to see things from other people’s point of view so I could be more understanding of their situations. I find this of a kind of utmost importance in life because if you do not learn to view things from the other side, you would stay ignorant and would always seem to be kept in the dark. Without understanding, how will you ever find any truth and justification of your point of view? Yes, my mom indeed has her great atributes. She has a kind of fatal flaw(excuse my indiscretion). She is in fact, submissive. I find this a bit hipocritical for if she took the submissive point of view, she would not be able to show others her point of view as much. She is quite submissive to my father. This goes against all the values I have learned at mercy high school, being quite a feminist. This, sorry to say, just would not do well as a role model for me. Maybe I strive too much for perfection regarding this case but if I did chose a role model for me, I want this well-roundedness theme to go along with it. Maybe it is not really justified to put others down as a non-hero of mine, yet I feel this need to look for something more.

As I recall the long list of names for my potential heroes, I finally come up with two that stand out in mind at this moment. To name them, not close friends of mine, nor family members, but famous figures–J.D. Salinger and Madonna. Although I only know them for what media and history has told me, the personality that they had shown to me has been personalities I most admire. They might seem like outrageous choices, but I admire both of their abilities to be free from societies restrictions. Society tends to set up rules for itself that those who do not follow them are shunned. For these people, it did not matter what society thought of them or of what they were doing. They did what they wanted to do regardless of how society might react towards it. I did not at first think of the name, J.D. Salinger, author of the book, Catcher In The Rye, as my hero. In fact, I did think of the book, the Catcher In The Rye at first. Honestly, I have not heard much about the author of this book itself. The only thing that brings my attention to him is his work. The book itself is something to admire. It was just then that I thought of thinking of J.D. Salinger as my role model. This is perhapes the only book I had truly enjoyed because of its freedom of expression and perhaps reality check as well. Well maybe the book itself gives me a bias about the author. He might have changed from the person who wrote this book. The mere fact that he wrote this book keeps my attention towards him. Therefore, I categorize this admiration. I admire J.D. Salinger as author of the book, Catcher In The Rye.

My other hero, perhaps my best one, others may think of as quite outrageous. Madonna, a figure who has changed throughout the years, has been a good model to others according to me. Maybe several people disapprove of what she has been before. Even she herself dislikes watching herself as she was before. However I like the way she had evolved from “Material Girl” to a more matured being. I know that she has gone through a big change in her life. I had enjoyed the way she was not afraid to express herself and she did not hide from others, instead she faced people upfront with her personality, no matter how blatant they might find her. I admire the way she stood up for herself and did not let people step on her. She had a dominant attitude instead of becoming a submissive female, typical of even her time according to social stereotype. I admire the way she has been on top musical charts even up to now even though her music has changed. She spoke for herself and what she believed in. She did not bow down to any power, no matter how seemingly tyrannical or intimidating others may be. She still keeps true to herself even now. Even if she has changed, she does things according to what she wants and she does not interfere with others as well. She has a mind of her own, quite creative and intelligent. She has grown spiritually throughout the years as well. She has learned to appreciate the broader aspects of life. There is just so much about her to admire. I admire her as a person and as an individual who stays true to herself and true to others.

To be more down to earth and more realistic with those I would chose as my role models, I would have to choose people I personally know inside and out. Two people stand out in this case. My best friends in the world, Elim and Ben. I cannot give them enough praise for how much I admire and respect them (although I do not show this all the time). Although I have not known them for as long a time as I have known others, I have become closer to them than to any other being on earth it seems. I appreciate the way they could adapt to our changing lifestyles. Although many difficulties come up, they face them head on. They are the best friends I could ever have in the world. I do not know how I got to be so fortunate to be able to even know them. Even if I speak of them in conjugation with each other, their distinct personalities stand out just as much. They are the most understanding people I have ever known. No matter how much I find myself disregarding the consequences to my actions, they would stand by me as a friend all the time. They are both fun to be with. I find that I care about them the most out of any other people. It is hard to say everything I have to say about them since there are so many wonderful things that I could not single out even a couple for it would leave out too many more characteristics that I would think of as essential to show how I perceive them. Even trying to write about them individually, is so much that I could hardly put it into words. Though it is not enough to write so little about them, I can not say so much. However, I could honestly say, I love these people!

Although still, I think it best I be my own person, I find that there is nothing wrong with being happy for people for having certain attributes that even I myself would like to have and perhaps work on my own personality so I may see if those aspects of themselves would work for myself as well. Admiring people does not mean wanting to reject our own personalities to be like somebody else. It is finding that there are positive things to each person(although some may seem to a person to have more than others) and appreciating the goodness in everyone. Even more so, admiration roots from the self-improvement of others which bring on improvements in ourselves as well by means of pure example.
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LINKS:

Mariah Carey’s Hero

Madonna

Bomis: The Madonna Ring (2.24.99)
MadonnaLand: Open 365 Days A Year!
Madonna
The Madonna FAQ 2.1

JD Salinger

Books by J. S. Salinger
The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger
Book In Comic Form Part 1
Book in Comic Form Part 2
AOL: Catcher in the Rye
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This is pretty good crap if I do say so myself.
Page done: 2:20am.

Page Started: 3/2/99 11:04pm daym i didnt know it was that late already.
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We had a speaker come into our Old Testament class/English class next door. She made us aware of inhumane sweatshop conditions that result from companies such as the Gap.

sweat*shop (noun)

First appeared 1892

: a shop or factory in which workers are employed for long hours at low wages and under unhealthy conditions

STOP Saipan Sweatshops
National Campaign Kick-Off
Saturday, March 6, 12:00 noon
San Francisco Rally: GAP, Powell and Market Sts.
Berkeley Rally: GAP, Telegraph & Bancroft Sts.

Check out the following:

Sweatshop Watch
310 Eighth St. #309
Oakland CA 94607
510-834-8990
sweatwatch@igc.org
www.sweatshopwatch.org

Global Exchange
2017 Mission St. #303
San Francisco CA 94110
415-255-7296
juliette@globalexchange.org
www.globalexchange.org
Saipan Sweatshop FAQ

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PS. She had been filipina with quite a bit of an accent. It made me reminiscent of the Philippines. Later on I found myself homesick and once again going through my old schools’ websites which are very much unfinished. Going through filipino sites which were quite rare…
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End: 11:25pm

Page Started: 3/1/99 4:30pm.
I’m early eh?
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I have a religion essay to do. I’m tired though. After school, we continued playing tennis. Then we had some kind of semi-meeting for campus ministry. Then I went down with kiddo to the dance studio to meet up with lim and jen to play tennis against the wall and beat up the dummy. Boy I love knee groining and kicking the crap outta that dummy. Great release of agression.
Anyways the essay is on “my path”…where I am in my life now and where I am headed. Let’s see how I’m gonna do this. Dude this thing’s due tomorrow. Plus I have to worry about my physics lab and my other religion class essay and my (valedictorian speech, dear god help me with that). Although my teacher greatly disapproves of my doing all journal work online, I still do it. I hardly have anything to hide. It would be the same on my real journal anyways.
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MY PATH
Book:
From the book, “Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life” by Jon Kabat-Zinn pp. 87.92…
PRACTICE AS A PATH

In the middle of this road we call our life
I Found myself in a dark wood
With no clear path through.

–DANTE ALGHIERI,
Divine Comedy, “Inferno”

The journey metaphor is used in all cultures to describe life and the quest for meaning. In the East, the word Tao, CHinese for “Way” or “Path,” carries this meaning. In Buddhism, meditation practice is usally spoken of as a path–the path of mindfulness, the path of right understanding, the path of the wheel of truth (Dharma). Tao and Dharma also mean the way things are, the law that governs all of existence and non-existence. All events, whether we see them on the surface as good or bad, are fundamentally in harmony with the Tao. It is our job to learn to perceive this underlying harmony, and to live and make decision sin accord with it. Yet, frequently, it is not exactly clear what the right way is, which leaves plenty of room for free will and principled action, and also for tension and controversy, to say nothing of getting lost entirely.

When we practice meditation, we are really acknowledging that in this moment, we are on the road of life. The path unfolds in this moment and in every moment while we are alive. Meditation is more rightly thought of as a “Way” than as a technique. It is a Way of being, a Way of living, a Way of listening, a Way of walking along the path of life and being in harmony with things as they are. This means in part acknowledging that sometimes, often at very crucial times, you really have no idea where you are going or even where the path lies. At the same time, you can very well know something about where you are now (even if it is knowing that you are lost, confused, enraged, or without hope). On the other hand, it often happens that we can become trapped into believing too strongly that we do know where we are going, especially if we are driven by self-serving ambition and we want certain things very badly. There is a blindness that comes from self-furthering agendas that leaves us thinking we know when actually we don’t know as much as we think.

“The Water of Life,” a fairy tale in the Grimm Brothers’ collection, tells of the customary trio of brothers, princes all. The two oldest brothers are greedy and selfish. The youngest is kind and caring. Their father, the King, is dying. An old man who mysteriously appears in the palace garden inquires after their grief, and when he hears the problem, suggests that a cure might be had in the water of life. “If the King drinks of it, he will become well again; but it is hard to find.”

First, the oldest brother obtains permission to go forth to seek the water of life for his father, harboring the secret hope of curring his favor and becoming King himself. Almost as soon as he sets out on his horse, he encounters a dwarf beside the road who stops him and asks where he is going so fast. In his hurry, the brother treats the dwarf with scorn and condescension, ordering him out of his way. The presumption here is that the prince knows the way just because he knows what he is looking for. Not so. But this brother is unable to rein in his arrogance, and his ignorance of the many ways things might unfold or open up in life.

Of course, the dwarf in fairy tales is no outer person either, but symbolic of the higher powers of the soul. In this case, the selfish brother is unable to aproach his own inner power and feeling self with kindness and wisdom. Because of his arrogance, the dwarf agrees for his path to enter an ever-narrowing ravine, in which he eventually finds himself unable to go forward, unable to go back, and unable to turn around; in a word, stuck. And there he stays while the story continues.

When the first brother does not return, the second brother goes forth to try his luck, meets the dwarf, treats him in the same fashion, and winds up stuck just like the first brother. Since they are different parts of the same person, you might say some people never learn.

After some time, the third brother eventually sets off to bring back the water of life. He too encounters the dwarf, who asks where he is going in such a hurry. However, unlike his brothers, he stops, dismounts, and tells the dwarf of his father’s grave illness and of seeking the water of life, admitting that he has no idea where to look or in what direction to go. At that, of course, the dwarf says, “Oh, I know where that is to be found,” and he proceeds to tell him where it is and how he is to go about getting it, which is quite complicated. This brother listens carefully and remembers what he is told.

This richly crafted tale takes many turns in its unfolding, which I will leave to the interested reader to explore. The point here is simply that it is useful at times to admit to yourself that you don’t know your way and to be open to help from unexpected places. Doing this makes available to you inner and energies and allies that arise out of your own soulfulness and selflessness. Of course, the selfish brothers are also internal figures of the psyche. The message is that getting caught up in the normal human tendencies of self-cherishing and arrogance, and ignoring the larger order of things, will ultimately lead to an impasse in your life in which you are unable to go forward, unable to go back, and unable to turn around. The story says you will never find the water of life with such an attitude, and that you will remain stuck, potentially forever.

The work of mindfulness demands honoring and heeding our own dwarf energy, rather than rushing headlong into things with a mind that is sorely out of touch with large parts of ourself, a mind driven by narrow ambition and ideas of personal gain. The story says we can only fare well if we proceed with an awareness of the way things are, including a willingness to admit not knowing where we are going. The youngest brother has a long road to travel in the story before it can be said that he fully understands the way things are (with his brothers, for instance). He endures painful lessons in treachery and betrayal, and he pays a high price for his naivete before finally owning the full range of his energy and wisdom. These are symbolized by his ultimately riding straight down the middle of a road paved in gold and marrying the princess (I haven’t told you about her) and becoming King–a fully developed man, not of his father’s kingdom but of his own.

TRY: Seeing your own life this very day as a journey and as an adventure. Where are you going? What are you seeking? Where are you now? What stage of the journey have you come to? If your life were a book, what would you call it today? What would you entitle the chapter you are in right now? Are you stuck here in certain ways? Can you be fully open to all of the energies at your disposal at this point? Note that this journey is uniquely yours, no one else’s. So the path has to be your own. You cannot imitate someone else’s journey and still be true to yourself. Are you prepared to honor your uniqueness in this way? Can you see a commitment to the meditation practice as an intimate part of this way of being? Can you commit to lighting your path with mindfulness and awareness? Can you see ways in which you could easily get stuck, or have in the past?
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Question and Answer Portion:
TRIAL: Seeing your own life this very day as a journey and as an adventure.
Where are you going?
~I am on the right path. I do as I will. I follow my conscience. Iz all gude in da hood yo. I’m going to college. I’m going towards self-improvement.
What are you seeking?
~I seek constantly to improve myself as others do. I strive for well-roundedness. I try to balance myself so that my life is not too concentrated on one thing and I can adapt to situations.
Where are you now?
Right now, I love my life. Although I am far away from my parents and under strict care, I love almost every other part of my life. I enjoy the company of friends who understand and care. They keep open-minded and they are good friends. My real parents are parents I had always wished for if I have ever before. I have a United States education, far different from one I would recieve had I studied in the Philippines. Although, I learn more from outside of school nowadays than inside.
What stage of the journey have you come to?
My journey is on a steady path. Everything seems to be going right despite slow swaying turns in the road. There may be much unexpected going on in my life. But everything is just fine the way it is. Almost perfect I’d say.
If your life were a book, what would you call it today?
I would call it What the Heck is going on here.baduy ano? so what who cares no one’s gonna read this anyway.
What would you entitle the chapter you are in right now?
?”You’re such a teenager”
Are you stuck here in certain ways?
no
Can you be fully open to all of the energies at your disposal at this point?
yes/no
Are you prepared to honor your uniqueness in this way?
yup
Can you see a commitment to the meditation practice as an intimate part of this way of being?
nope
Can you commit to lighting your path with mindfulness and awareness?
nope
Can you see ways in which you could easily get stuck, or have in the past?
i dunno.?
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Essay:
I find myself at a point in my life which is almost perfect with a few flaws that I would have to fix up. In the crosswinds of life I have learned to fly like an eagle towards a more challenging path. I strive to constantly challenge myself in the face of life’s (pause) intricacies. abbaa that sounds good dude. I feel that my constant goal reflects that of the latin phrase made in the jesuit tradition, “Ad majorem dei gloriam,” meaning, “For the greater glory of God.” It is for this reason that I am in a catholic high school. It is for this reason that I am like that sponge that constantly absorbs the catholic teaching in the catholic way. (you sound like a dork)-=my sister came in and said all that crap.
(intro)
At this point of my life, I have gone past former difficulties. I am no longer wandering like a lone hermit. I have broken out of my shell of ignorance and set myself free. I am no longer restricted by stereotype. I have my own mind and conscience from which I make decisions and accept responsibility. Although in some ways more restricted, I have more freedom.
(body1: past)
Once before I had pretty much a straight path. I hardly had any turns. Each day was the same and it was starting to become monotonous. My only goal was to strive for the best grades and even to compete with others to stay on top of the academic game. I hardly did anything besides go to school and go straight home. I seemed to be settled on that life. Looking back to that time, I find that I seemed almost robotic. I was told what to do and obeyed every command. I did not have a mind of my own. I just absorbed information and gave it back out. I took in my instructions and carried it out. That was hardly a life. Although I did have fun playing with my cousins, that was my only form of recreational activity. If I was not focused on doing some kind of homework I was quiet, sitting in a corner and staring. People always had thought of me as the shy type. I found myself conforming to their impressions of me.
(body2: present)
I love my life. It seems almost perfect. I have learned to stop dwelling in the past or looking too far ahead in the future. I appreciate it for what it is. I finally learned how to “stop and smell the roses.” I enjoy my present situation. There are still a few forks in the road from which I know not how to choose. I greatly appreciate the fact that I have good friends who are understanding and caring. My relationships with them are at near perfection. I am glad that I had been able to work myself through difficult situations in my life. The mere fact that I am living a life I am satisfied with is something I am very much greatful for.
(body3: future)
I pretty much have an idea of what is to come in the future. I know that it is going to be full of surprises just as in the present. College is ahead and it is going to be a big change in my life, a big turn in the road. The future is blurry but I know that I would pretty much be able to handle it. I have gone through many different types of experiences in my life. I know the advantages of new experiences, both good and bad. We learn from them. In some ways, I can’t wait to find out what the future holds for me. However, I am happy about my present and I am settled with living in awareness of the time right now.
(conclusion)
I find that in my life, I had been stuck in childhood until one or two years ago. As I grew up, I learned to do things for myself, instead of relying on others to do everything for me. I learned to think for myself and have my own opinions instead of going along with what everyone else says. I learned to love life as it is and take whatever God throws in the path to my enlightenment. I constantly strive for improvement and balance in my life. It is almost like striving for perfection. Although I could never reach perfection, there is nothing wrong with coming close. The most important thing to me is to know that my life right now is as perfect as it would ever be and although I am aware of some of its flaws, I appreciate the goodness I find within it.
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Dude, that was a whole lotta bull.
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Finished: 3/2/99 3:01am

Page Started: 3/1/99 1:30am
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You must be so bored. After the last couple of pages, my boredom affected the boredom my pages produced. So the last ones were really boring. Hah .. anyways. Yup, everyday boredom… dude i cant even think straight.

Wouldn’t it be cool to be born on a leap year?

I learned to double space when i do my paragraphs. I found it confusing when its just one big essay clumped together.
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Something New I learned:
the meaning of bitch goddess…
bitch goddess (noun)

First appeared 1906

: SUCCESS; especially : material or worldly success
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Oh now I know what to put in here… These forwards I’ve been getting lately. haha..
BEWARE OF OFFENSIVE MATERIAL IN THIS PAGE
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ON THE WORD
Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word “fuck”. It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate. In language, “fuck” falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn’t give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I’m late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she’s also stupid).

As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word “fuck”. Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:
1. Greetings: “How the fuck are ya?”
2. Fraud: “I got fucked by the car dealer.”
3. Resignation: “Oh, fuck it!”
4. Trouble: “I guess I’m fucked now.”
5. Aggression: “FUCK YOU!”
6. Disgust: “Fuck me.”
7. Confusion: “What the fuck…….?”
8. Difficulty: “I don’t understand this fucking business!”
9. Despair: “Fucked again…”
10. Pleasure: “I couldn’t be fucking happier.”
11. Displeasure: “What the fuck is going on here?”
12. Lost: “Where the fuck are we.”
13. Disbelief: “UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!”
14. Retaliation: “Up your fucking ass!”
15. Denial: “I didn’t fucking do it.”
16. Perplexity: “I know fuck about it.”
17. Apathy: “Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?
18. Greetings: “How the fuck are ya?”
19. Suspicion: “Who the fuck are you?”
20. Panic: “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”
21. Directions: “Fuck off.”
22. Disbelief: “How the fuck did you do that?”
23. Instruction: “Get fucked!”
24. Suggestion: “Go fuck yourself.”

It can be used in an anatomical description- “He’s a fucking asshole.”
It can be used to tell time- “It’s five fucking thirty.”
It can be used in business- “How did I wind up with this fucking job?”
It can be maternal- “Motherfucker.”
It can be political- “Fuck Dan Quayle!”

It has also been used by many notable people throughout history:

“What the fuck was that?”
-Mayor of Hiroshima

“Where did all these fucking Indians come from?”
-General Custer

“Where the fuck is all this water coming from?”
-Captain of the Titanic

“That’s not a real fucking gun.”
-John Lennon

“Who’s gonna fucking find out?”
-Richard Nixon

“Heads are going to fucking roll.”
-Anne Boleyn

“Let the fucking woman drive.”
-Commander of Space Shuttle

“What fucking map?”
-”Challenger,” Mark Thatcher

“Any fucking idiot could understand that.”
-Albert Einstein

“It does so fucking look like her!”
-Picasso

“How the fuck did you work that out?”
Pythagoras

“You want what on the fucking ceiling?”
-Michaelangelo

“Fuck a duck.”
-Walt Disney

“Why?- Because its fucking there!”
-Edmund Hilary

“I don’t suppose its gonna fucking rain?”
-Joan of Arc

“Scattered fucking showers my ass.”
-Noah

“I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head.”
-J.F.K.

“Bow fucking Wow”
-Scooby Doo
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Divine Influence
A sixteen year old virgin girl goes to confession. “Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday.”

“Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??” the priest asked.

“Because, father, he touched me on my arm without permission”

“Do you mean like this??” He touches her arm.

“Yes father.” The girl responded.

“That’s no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But father he also touched my breasts.”

“You mean like this??” He touches her breasts.

“Yes father.”

“That’s no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But father, he took off my clothes.”

“Like this??” He takes off her clothes.

“Yes father.”

“That’s no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But father he then put his you-know-what in my you-know-where.”

“Like this??” He put his you-know-what in her you-know-where.

“Yes father,” she says sometime later.

“But that’s no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But father, he has AIDS.”

“THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!”
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Too much vulgarity huh? Well then click here.
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Page Done: 3/1/99 1:50am
A page done in 20 minutes.. cool.

Page started: 2/28/99 1:41am
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By the way, today I realized my ideal admired has not been what was once before. It has not been the pefect manipulator but one who has everything in one. Not exactly perfect, but good enough. Loved but not loved. Full of understanding. Although I make no sense to most people talking this way, I make perfect sense to myself right now. For I may seem like I talk in riddle, yet I talk in the deeper encryption.

I realize I have to be better at this encryption physically and mentally as well in other methods. Doing otherwise would lead to imperfection. My heart skips a beat as I find certain realizations within my experiences, or lack thereof. We are all learning. We still continue to learn. Although I need to learn this manipulation, I find I myself am manipulated. I need to gain trust of others although I find myself seemingly untrusted. I am, however, trustworthy in the eyes of the trusted.

Once thought immature, the stereotype proved untrue. Within certain realizations we find universal truths. We live and learn. We grow through experience yet we grow without. Life is tough sometimes but you have to live through all this.

The one of nose and mouth finds pandora’s box. Full of curiosity yet all knowing. Out of spontenaiety, plans have changed. Sometimes this spontaneousness works for the worst. I must create an impulse that could make me immune. You cannot run away from your troubles for they will follow you forever. You have to learn to go through the darkness.

Although life drops a bomb, Sometimes it has its surprises and its rewards. You can find the unexpected within the unexpected. You might think you really know somebody but you could find somebody else within that person. It is best to evolve along and adapt with people instead of staying away from the change. Stay open minded and the hurt will go away. Learn to talk things through instead of hiding them, yet sometimes these hiding places are the key and you could not reveal them. Listen to both sides and remember. Although I speak in general terms, I learned much today and I hope I learn from that learning.
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Sung’s birthday party:
Lunch at house. Bowling. see a doctor find himself. there is good in excessive happiness, although seriousness has its own rewards. stopover on way home. by the way, find myself see some light poking through the clouds.
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Ended: 1:54am