Page Started: 3/1/99 4:30pm.
I’m early eh?
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I have a religion essay to do. I’m tired though. After school, we continued playing tennis. Then we had some kind of semi-meeting for campus ministry. Then I went down with kiddo to the dance studio to meet up with lim and jen to play tennis against the wall and beat up the dummy. Boy I love knee groining and kicking the crap outta that dummy. Great release of agression.
Anyways the essay is on “my path”…where I am in my life now and where I am headed. Let’s see how I’m gonna do this. Dude this thing’s due tomorrow. Plus I have to worry about my physics lab and my other religion class essay and my (valedictorian speech, dear god help me with that). Although my teacher greatly disapproves of my doing all journal work online, I still do it. I hardly have anything to hide. It would be the same on my real journal anyways.
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MY PATH
Book:
From the book, “Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life” by Jon Kabat-Zinn pp. 87.92…
PRACTICE AS A PATH
In the middle of this road we call our life
I Found myself in a dark wood
With no clear path through.
–DANTE ALGHIERI,
Divine Comedy, “Inferno”
The journey metaphor is used in all cultures to describe life and the quest for meaning. In the East, the word Tao, CHinese for “Way” or “Path,” carries this meaning. In Buddhism, meditation practice is usally spoken of as a path–the path of mindfulness, the path of right understanding, the path of the wheel of truth (Dharma). Tao and Dharma also mean the way things are, the law that governs all of existence and non-existence. All events, whether we see them on the surface as good or bad, are fundamentally in harmony with the Tao. It is our job to learn to perceive this underlying harmony, and to live and make decision sin accord with it. Yet, frequently, it is not exactly clear what the right way is, which leaves plenty of room for free will and principled action, and also for tension and controversy, to say nothing of getting lost entirely.
When we practice meditation, we are really acknowledging that in this moment, we are on the road of life. The path unfolds in this moment and in every moment while we are alive. Meditation is more rightly thought of as a “Way” than as a technique. It is a Way of being, a Way of living, a Way of listening, a Way of walking along the path of life and being in harmony with things as they are. This means in part acknowledging that sometimes, often at very crucial times, you really have no idea where you are going or even where the path lies. At the same time, you can very well know something about where you are now (even if it is knowing that you are lost, confused, enraged, or without hope). On the other hand, it often happens that we can become trapped into believing too strongly that we do know where we are going, especially if we are driven by self-serving ambition and we want certain things very badly. There is a blindness that comes from self-furthering agendas that leaves us thinking we know when actually we don’t know as much as we think.
“The Water of Life,” a fairy tale in the Grimm Brothers’ collection, tells of the customary trio of brothers, princes all. The two oldest brothers are greedy and selfish. The youngest is kind and caring. Their father, the King, is dying. An old man who mysteriously appears in the palace garden inquires after their grief, and when he hears the problem, suggests that a cure might be had in the water of life. “If the King drinks of it, he will become well again; but it is hard to find.”
First, the oldest brother obtains permission to go forth to seek the water of life for his father, harboring the secret hope of curring his favor and becoming King himself. Almost as soon as he sets out on his horse, he encounters a dwarf beside the road who stops him and asks where he is going so fast. In his hurry, the brother treats the dwarf with scorn and condescension, ordering him out of his way. The presumption here is that the prince knows the way just because he knows what he is looking for. Not so. But this brother is unable to rein in his arrogance, and his ignorance of the many ways things might unfold or open up in life.
Of course, the dwarf in fairy tales is no outer person either, but symbolic of the higher powers of the soul. In this case, the selfish brother is unable to aproach his own inner power and feeling self with kindness and wisdom. Because of his arrogance, the dwarf agrees for his path to enter an ever-narrowing ravine, in which he eventually finds himself unable to go forward, unable to go back, and unable to turn around; in a word, stuck. And there he stays while the story continues.
When the first brother does not return, the second brother goes forth to try his luck, meets the dwarf, treats him in the same fashion, and winds up stuck just like the first brother. Since they are different parts of the same person, you might say some people never learn.
After some time, the third brother eventually sets off to bring back the water of life. He too encounters the dwarf, who asks where he is going in such a hurry. However, unlike his brothers, he stops, dismounts, and tells the dwarf of his father’s grave illness and of seeking the water of life, admitting that he has no idea where to look or in what direction to go. At that, of course, the dwarf says, “Oh, I know where that is to be found,” and he proceeds to tell him where it is and how he is to go about getting it, which is quite complicated. This brother listens carefully and remembers what he is told.
This richly crafted tale takes many turns in its unfolding, which I will leave to the interested reader to explore. The point here is simply that it is useful at times to admit to yourself that you don’t know your way and to be open to help from unexpected places. Doing this makes available to you inner and energies and allies that arise out of your own soulfulness and selflessness. Of course, the selfish brothers are also internal figures of the psyche. The message is that getting caught up in the normal human tendencies of self-cherishing and arrogance, and ignoring the larger order of things, will ultimately lead to an impasse in your life in which you are unable to go forward, unable to go back, and unable to turn around. The story says you will never find the water of life with such an attitude, and that you will remain stuck, potentially forever.
The work of mindfulness demands honoring and heeding our own dwarf energy, rather than rushing headlong into things with a mind that is sorely out of touch with large parts of ourself, a mind driven by narrow ambition and ideas of personal gain. The story says we can only fare well if we proceed with an awareness of the way things are, including a willingness to admit not knowing where we are going. The youngest brother has a long road to travel in the story before it can be said that he fully understands the way things are (with his brothers, for instance). He endures painful lessons in treachery and betrayal, and he pays a high price for his naivete before finally owning the full range of his energy and wisdom. These are symbolized by his ultimately riding straight down the middle of a road paved in gold and marrying the princess (I haven’t told you about her) and becoming King–a fully developed man, not of his father’s kingdom but of his own.
TRY: Seeing your own life this very day as a journey and as an adventure. Where are you going? What are you seeking? Where are you now? What stage of the journey have you come to? If your life were a book, what would you call it today? What would you entitle the chapter you are in right now? Are you stuck here in certain ways? Can you be fully open to all of the energies at your disposal at this point? Note that this journey is uniquely yours, no one else’s. So the path has to be your own. You cannot imitate someone else’s journey and still be true to yourself. Are you prepared to honor your uniqueness in this way? Can you see a commitment to the meditation practice as an intimate part of this way of being? Can you commit to lighting your path with mindfulness and awareness? Can you see ways in which you could easily get stuck, or have in the past?
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Question and Answer Portion:
TRIAL: Seeing your own life this very day as a journey and as an adventure.
Where are you going?
~I am on the right path. I do as I will. I follow my conscience. Iz all gude in da hood yo. I’m going to college. I’m going towards self-improvement.
What are you seeking?
~I seek constantly to improve myself as others do. I strive for well-roundedness. I try to balance myself so that my life is not too concentrated on one thing and I can adapt to situations.
Where are you now?
Right now, I love my life. Although I am far away from my parents and under strict care, I love almost every other part of my life. I enjoy the company of friends who understand and care. They keep open-minded and they are good friends. My real parents are parents I had always wished for if I have ever before. I have a United States education, far different from one I would recieve had I studied in the Philippines. Although, I learn more from outside of school nowadays than inside.
What stage of the journey have you come to?
My journey is on a steady path. Everything seems to be going right despite slow swaying turns in the road. There may be much unexpected going on in my life. But everything is just fine the way it is. Almost perfect I’d say.
If your life were a book, what would you call it today?
I would call it What the Heck is going on here.baduy ano? so what who cares no one’s gonna read this anyway.
What would you entitle the chapter you are in right now?
?”You’re such a teenager”
Are you stuck here in certain ways?
no
Can you be fully open to all of the energies at your disposal at this point?
yes/no
Are you prepared to honor your uniqueness in this way?
yup
Can you see a commitment to the meditation practice as an intimate part of this way of being?
nope
Can you commit to lighting your path with mindfulness and awareness?
nope
Can you see ways in which you could easily get stuck, or have in the past?
i dunno.?
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Essay:
I find myself at a point in my life which is almost perfect with a few flaws that I would have to fix up. In the crosswinds of life I have learned to fly like an eagle towards a more challenging path. I strive to constantly challenge myself in the face of life’s (pause) intricacies. abbaa that sounds good dude. I feel that my constant goal reflects that of the latin phrase made in the jesuit tradition, “Ad majorem dei gloriam,” meaning, “For the greater glory of God.” It is for this reason that I am in a catholic high school. It is for this reason that I am like that sponge that constantly absorbs the catholic teaching in the catholic way. (you sound like a dork)-=my sister came in and said all that crap.
(intro)
At this point of my life, I have gone past former difficulties. I am no longer wandering like a lone hermit. I have broken out of my shell of ignorance and set myself free. I am no longer restricted by stereotype. I have my own mind and conscience from which I make decisions and accept responsibility. Although in some ways more restricted, I have more freedom.
(body1: past)
Once before I had pretty much a straight path. I hardly had any turns. Each day was the same and it was starting to become monotonous. My only goal was to strive for the best grades and even to compete with others to stay on top of the academic game. I hardly did anything besides go to school and go straight home. I seemed to be settled on that life. Looking back to that time, I find that I seemed almost robotic. I was told what to do and obeyed every command. I did not have a mind of my own. I just absorbed information and gave it back out. I took in my instructions and carried it out. That was hardly a life. Although I did have fun playing with my cousins, that was my only form of recreational activity. If I was not focused on doing some kind of homework I was quiet, sitting in a corner and staring. People always had thought of me as the shy type. I found myself conforming to their impressions of me.
(body2: present)
I love my life. It seems almost perfect. I have learned to stop dwelling in the past or looking too far ahead in the future. I appreciate it for what it is. I finally learned how to “stop and smell the roses.” I enjoy my present situation. There are still a few forks in the road from which I know not how to choose. I greatly appreciate the fact that I have good friends who are understanding and caring. My relationships with them are at near perfection. I am glad that I had been able to work myself through difficult situations in my life. The mere fact that I am living a life I am satisfied with is something I am very much greatful for.
(body3: future)
I pretty much have an idea of what is to come in the future. I know that it is going to be full of surprises just as in the present. College is ahead and it is going to be a big change in my life, a big turn in the road. The future is blurry but I know that I would pretty much be able to handle it. I have gone through many different types of experiences in my life. I know the advantages of new experiences, both good and bad. We learn from them. In some ways, I can’t wait to find out what the future holds for me. However, I am happy about my present and I am settled with living in awareness of the time right now.
(conclusion)
I find that in my life, I had been stuck in childhood until one or two years ago. As I grew up, I learned to do things for myself, instead of relying on others to do everything for me. I learned to think for myself and have my own opinions instead of going along with what everyone else says. I learned to love life as it is and take whatever God throws in the path to my enlightenment. I constantly strive for improvement and balance in my life. It is almost like striving for perfection. Although I could never reach perfection, there is nothing wrong with coming close. The most important thing to me is to know that my life right now is as perfect as it would ever be and although I am aware of some of its flaws, I appreciate the goodness I find within it.
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Dude, that was a whole lotta bull.
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Finished: 3/2/99 3:01am
