My birthday represents a start of a new year for me as seen from my timeline.  It’s a time of reflection, a time to ponder how much I’ve grown and a time to set new goals.

Ever since the sixth grade when I got the chicken pox and had to catch up to everyone else because I missed the first few weeks/months of school and I, by some sort of miracle, managed to go above and beyond even my expectations on what I could achieve, I’ve been setting my sights on improving myself.  At first, the focus was primarily academically throughout the end of elementary school and most of my high school life.  Then I expanded my learning to popular culture, web development, and hand eye coordination (gaming) from high school to college and even after.  When I met Henry, many other doors opened for me as opportunities to learn.  I focused on increasing my confidence by learning how to improve my physical appearance, increased my body control and physical abilities through sports and dance, and increased my social skills by learning how to better interact with others and improve my character.  It’s an endless journey of leveling up thats why so many of my journal entries focus on self-improvement.

Part of my motivation is wanting my parents to be proud of me.  It’s a thought that was instilled in me growing up and its still in the back of my mind.  I think the first time it was communicated to me that they were proud of me was during my retreat in elementary school, seventh grade, when I read my palanca letter from my parents.  (”Palanca is a spanish word that means “lever.”  Just as a lever enables a person to move something which is beyond normal strength, palanca, as used in Tres Dias, empowers the accomplishment of things which would not be possible without the Grace of God.”)  It made me feel so good to know that I, as their child, was an accomplishment in their eyes.  I felt like I was able to pay back all the hard work and effort they put into raising me and I had not disappointed them.

Part of my motivation was a motto that was driven into my brain very early on.  My older sister’s motto back then was “Never settle for mediocrity, strive for success.”  I didn’t even realize back then but that statement that was drilled into my head over and over (because my sister kept saying it to herself or something along those lines) was going to guide my path.  I am never satisfied.  I always feel like I’m the average, I’m mediocre, and I need to do something to make myself better.  It may seem like a very unsatisfactory life but rewards are endless when you keep seeing yourself advancing in one form or another.

Part of my motivation now is Henry’s availability as an endless resource to learn from.  With his wide variety of skills in sports and dance and his wide breadth of knowledge, I can never tire from gaining what I can from his experience.  It also helps that he himself is the type to seek knowledge and seek out attaining new skills as this makes him a positive influence on me.

So going back to my original point of this post, here is what I see as my past, my present and my future:

[Recent] Past (Goals Achieved):

• Two 12 week Chinese classes under my belt.  I have a good working knowledge of conversational Chinese and I can read and write some.

Present (Current Focus):

• Three days of working out every week.  I have a good routine in place and I feel like I’m in great physical shape.  I have a lot more energy now which helps motivate me to do more both at work and outside of work.
• Dance Classes at BDC.  Three Beginner Breakdancing classes down.  Two out of eight Beginner Lyrical workshop classes to go.  I am working on increasing flexibility and balance.  I hope to be able to control my movements better.
• Saving up for a downpayment and for retirement.  I am pretty much on track for my financial goals as long as I can keep up not spending too much for the rest of the year!

Future (Goals to Focus on):

• Character Development.  With the Leadership Workshop and Career Development Workshop thanks to MTV, I have focused my goals, created action plans, met with people, discussed goals and worked on improving my value at work.

It is my hope that by next year, and future years to come, I will still have this motivation, this drive to succeed.  I don’t want to lose faith in myself.  I can’t settle for complaining that I’m not as good as someone else or feeling like I can’t achieve certain goals.  I’ll be happy, even if I’m taking baby steps, as long as I’m heading the right direction.