I started feeling like I was doing too much thinking – thinking of random things I could do to become a better person without putting enough thought in the effectiveness of my actions.  Whenever I start to feel unstable, chaotic and unsure, the easiest way to regain balance in my life is to organize and come up with a plan.

Step 1: Identify Problems (Introspection)

What are my current complaints? What have I done to improve thusfar and what do I need to work on next?  The automatic answer for me is EVERYTHING!  Who doesn’t want to level up and be better at everything?  Since it is unrealistic to improve everything at the same time, what should I prioritize?

There are certain aspects of life that I have previously focused on and have integrated into my regular routine so I don’t have to think about it anymore.  I wanted to be better, faster, stronger, smarter.

• Physically, I’m doing great.  Three days a week of Strength training at the gym before work integrated into my routine.  Cardio and Flexibility from Ultimate on Saturdays and Lyrical Dance on Sundays.  I’m pretty satisfied with my current efforts to keep my body toned and healthy.  I do believe I did get faster and stronger than before.

• Financially, I’m on track.  I am meeting my savings goals towards a future downpayment every month and I’m putting enough money into investments and retirement.  More money would always be good but I’m doing good for what I have now.

• I’m very happy with my current Employment.  I love my job at MTV and the current dual role I have of being part of the production team and part of the tech team.  Even though it is a lot of work, I feel like I get the best of both worlds.

• My Relationship with Henry is very strong and solid.  We thoroughly enjoy each other’s company and we contribute to each other’s growth in so many ways.  We put open communication first and foremost and it has helped us through good and bad times.  I look forward to going home to see him every day and I find it hard to leave his side every morning.  We complement each other very well.

• I have grown to love my current Location.  It’s great living in New York City.  Sure it’s crowded with too many people, the streets and subways are dirty, the weather goes to extremes, the people generally have a ‘hard attitude’ compared to California.  But the place is rich in culture and diversity, the city never sleeps, the transportation is fast, convenient and better than any other transportation system I’ve been on, and it never really gets boring out here.

• I also feel like I’m back on track Spiritually with Henry and I committing more to going to Redeemer on Sunday mornings at 10:30am.  I don’t think there is any other speaker quite like Tim Keller.  I love his organization and academic approach.  His points are always clear and presented well.

Those are all things I am happy with in my life.  Now what do I feel like I still need to work on?  What is bugging me?

• My Friendships with people need work.  I’m not a big phone person so the only real friend time I get is through IM or hanging out.  I’m finding it hard to develop close relationships with people especially since I keep myself busy all the time.  Sometimes I acknowledge that it can be a good thing that I don’t get too close with people because that can be dangerous but at the same time I feel like I get so distant from people that I don’t know if I have friends anymore.  My issues with friendship comes at multiple levels.
  • Inner Circle of Friends: I am slowly losing contact with my friends from California.  Out of sight out of mind.  I don’t mean for it to be that way.  I do treasure a lot of my friends.  It just takes so much effort to keep in contact with everyone.  And it takes a lot of money to keep flying back.  Please don’t forget me, my friends!  You guys are still my friends, right?  Do I have friends out there?
  • Outer Circle of Friends: I need to work on developing friendships with people that I meet and encounter regularly.  It’s not easy for me to go beyond the regular acquaintance level of relationships with people.  It takes a lot of one on one time.  It takes me feeling like the other person actually enjoys hanging out with me and talking to me.  It takes me genuinely feeling interested in other people’s lives and stories.  I do feel good that my ability to socialize has increased a great amount especially since I have more energy from exercising.  I still feel like I could do better though.  Maybe I just don’t see the results because it takes a long time?
  • Middle Circle of Friends: Then there’s the people in between.  The people I see all the time and I have no problems calling them friends but I don’t really know much about them on their own besides getting used to them being there during group hangouts.  It would be nice to develop friendships with these people more but frankly, I don’t know how to do it.

• My Career path could use some work as well.  I have no complaints about what I’m doing right now.  I am learning a lot both in the tech and production field.  However, I don’t want to get stuck at just being where I am.  I want to work myself upwards.  I want to be viewed as a leader.  I want people to have faith in my capabilities.  I want there to be a positive perception of me.  It is my hope that people can see me easily transition into a Producer or Senior Developer role.  Perhaps even a Technical Producer if there was such an option.  I want my boss to keep me in mind if she thinks of promotions.  I want the tech team to know that I can be just as knowledgeable as them.  I want to have a clearer path in mind.  Whether tech or production, I feel like I will always want an aspect of both.  My present position is supposed to be already a Managerial level role but I want to be able to go to the next level.  If I want to improve, I need to see myself in that next position.  Since my paths are really dictated more by opportunity, I will maintain flexibility in my interest and thus I will set my goal to being a Senior Developer/Producer.  How do I do that?

Step 2: Finding Solutions (Brainstorming)

I suppose nowadays I’m more proactive with the last problem I mentioned.  What have I been up to?  I’ve been meeting up with people and getting feedback.  I’ve been trying to milk suggestions out of people on how I could improve myself.  I’ve been trying to take initiative as much as I can and just doing a good job at work.  Technically, I’ve been exposing myself to learning from developers I interact with, from tutorials online, from feeds and books, from classes offered by MTV, and learning on my own through the web or through practice.    On the producer end, I’ve been trying to keep everything about the project organized, making sure tasks are delegated when they need to be, keeping updated documentation, communicating updated information, getting questions answered and keeping to schedule for that which is under my control.

The next steps I would give myself would be to single out topics to discuss with mentors that I need to learn about to advance myself to the next level.  Perhaps I could pick out bits and pieces of previous conversations and build upon that.

As for developing friendships, I would like to put in more effort into talking to people and keeping in touch.  I want people to know that I value them as friends and it would be great to really get to know them.  People are interesting!  I have more topics to talk about and interests in common with people than I tend to think.  It is just my hope that efforts will be reciprocated.

Step 3: Do  (Execution)

Many times I will get stuck in the problems and planning stages.  Everything just stays in my head.  I don’t see any improvement because I don’t take the steps that I plan to take or I get stuck on trying to find the best solutions to my problems.  I don’t have all the answers yet.  But even baby steps with the little things I think about would help.

Step 4: Check Results (Evaluation)

Its often an achievement to get to the point of doing something to ‘fix’ a problem I target.  I would usually assume that there are results even if I don’t see them.  How do I know how effective the solution I proposed is unless I analyze results?  Once in a while I need to stop and ponder whether I am actually getting anywhere.   Its easier to see physical results when I look at my body and see if my muscles are showing or my fat content has dropped after a period of time.  Its harder to see results that are not quantifiable.  I suppose that is how soliciting feedback from others comes into play.  Can they see a change in character in me?  Has their perception changed?  Can I see a character change in myself?  Can I see results from people’s interactions with me?

Step 5: Tweaking (Adjustments)

As a result of my evaluation, I would need to adjust my plan of action in order to optimize results.   If nothing else within the local scope can be fine tuned, then I look once again towards the bigger scope – myself and my life.  What else about me can I improve?  Then I go back to Step 1.  And the cycle continues…

I would say that right now, I’m lingering between step 2 and 3.  After writing this entry out, I have a clearer idea of what I want to work on, but now its all about coming up with solutions.  Hopefully these books on success can help point me towards a good direction.